I couldn't think of a better title for this post. Atleast 10 guys have so far asked me how the arranged marriage 'phenomenon' works. For people in the US, who are used to dating for years or months before something like 'commitment' can be thought of, it seems weird that in India a guy meets a girl for a while and then they decide to spend the rest of their lives together. Its similar to how we in India feel about divorces. So I thought I'll put down my own experiences of 'meeting the girls' as I term it :).
Before I took off to India in mid august most of my colleagues thought I'd come back married in a span of 2 weeks. As I had predicted that didn't happen, neither did I get engaged, nor did I end up with a 'date'.
Just a background, traditional arranged marriages (my grandfather's generation 1920s to 1950s ) were arranged between close knit families or family friends who knew each other very well. If there was a prospective guy for a girl and vise versa the families would just sit together one fine day and discuss if the relationship was feasible. If found feasible they would ask the guy and girl to get married. No questions asked. My dad's generation (1960s - 1970s) a small change, In addition to all of the above mentioned practice of the previous generation the guy gets to meet and talk to the girl before they take a decision. However the guy gets the first say. Most of the times if the guy agreed, the girl had to agree. Once the relationship is fixed the guy and girl get engaged and after one or two months get married.
Now in this generation , several changes, rather drastic changes have occurred. First, its no longer the guy who decides first. The girl can meet the guy and then ask the guy to talk a walk without even talking to the guy. As the female to male ratio has dropped considerably, women know they stand a good chance of meeting quality guys. So they are in no hurry. To sum it up today's arranged marriages are more like 'arranged dates' and in some cases 'arranged speed dates' as the first girl I met pointed out.
For me the experience was quite enjoyable and frustrating at the same time. To meet girls day after day was painful, especially in Bangalore where it takes forever to reach one place from the other. I can't even give job interviews at that rate. Meeting the girl's parents takes a toll, like in one of the meetings the girl's dad asked me whether I cooked food or ate outside? I have no idea what's the relevance of this question. Oh another question is how's the weather in your city? How can you describe this - the weather here in Beaverton changes every hour sometimes. Setting up a 'meeting' in the parents' ( even at my parent's ) house just didn't work, period. One of the girls didn't even know my name - that was so embarrassing. Fortunately I did get to meet one or two girls in coffee shops. It was such a welcome change. One of the coffee shop meetings ended up in dinner. By the time we went home it was past midnight. Both the parents were sort of surprised. I called another girl to a coffee shop and her reply was 'can I get my mom also ???' I just burst out laughing over the phone. Had I known this girl for a while I'd have said 'Hey why not, bring ur grandma as well'.
So overall it was quite an experience. As I said earlier I came back single, much to the dismay of my parents. I failed to impress some girls and some girls failed to impress me. The entire process lasted for about a week after which I took off to chickmagalur, a beautiful town in the western ghats with my friends to chill out. I came back, met all my other friends, celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi, a very big festival in south and west India and boarded the flight to US.
